Why Compassion Matters
If you're in the business of helping others, whether you're a health professional, therapist, teacher, coach, or leader, you are probably familiar with feelings of depletion. You give so much to others, often leaving little space and energy for yourself.
You may also be intimately familiar with the voice of the inner critic, that part of you that says you're “not doing enough” or “not good enough” despite all you do for others.
Compassion-focused approaches can offer us a sustainable way through this. They teach us to harness compassion, not just for others, but as something we can receive from others and, crucially, provide to ourselves.
Paul Gilbert, the creator of compassion-focused therapy, tells us how compassion can help us calm our nervous systems and guide us toward restoration. And the best part? A compassion-focused approach can also help us reclaim our capacity for joy, playfulness and creativity.
Why Compassion Matters, Especially for Us
Paul Gilbert’s work is grounded in evolutionary psychology, attachment theory, Buddhist Dharma and neuroscience. He explains that our brains evolved with three core emotional systems:
The Threat System, which alerts us to danger (and, especially when over-activated, can fuel anxiety, shame, and self-criticism)
The Drive System, which pushes us to achieve and succeed
The Soothing System, which helps us rest, connect, and feel safe (in the modern world, we often underutilise this system)
In modern life, we've become experts at detecting problems and pushing toward goals, but we've often forgotten how to rest, soothe and restore ourselves. This is where compassion comes in.
As Paul Gilbert explains, “Compassion-focused therapy tries to stimulate the soothing system to help regulate the threat and drive systems” (The Compassionate Mind, p. 188). So the goal isn't to eliminate our ability to detect problems or pursue goals. Instead, it's about developing the missing piece: our ability to feel genuinely safe, calm, connected to others and restored.
As helping professionals, too, we often operate between the threat and drive systems: we're alert to problems, driven to help, and expected to “keep it together.” But without the use of the soothing system, we’re left depleted and in need of restoration.
Self-Compassion as a Practice
Paul Gilbert is clear: compassion isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about developing courageous inner warmth—a stance of strength, wisdom, and kindness, especially when we’re struggling or facing difficulties in our lives.
For us in the caring professions, this might mean:
Speaking to ourselves with the same compassion we offer our clients, patients, colleagues, students, family and friends.
Taking regular mindful pauses, especially when the day’s demands feel overwhelming.
Gently soothing ourselves when we experience the pain of self-criticism.
These practices aren’t easy; they take effort and attention. But they can help regulate our nervous systems, shift us out of survival mode and an overactivated threat system, and allow us to show up more fully for ourselves and others.
Compassion and the Creative Life
Creative practice—whether it’s painting, writing, sculpting, knitting, dancing, or singing—can be deeply transformative. So long as the inner critic doesn’t hijack the process.
How many times have you sat down to write or draw, only to hear that familiar message:
“This isn’t good enough. You’re wasting your time.”
This typically comes from your threat system. It’s trying to protect you from shame or failure, but in doing so, it’s shutting down your creativity. The answer isn’t to push through or silence the critic with brute force. It’s to meet it with compassion.
Try this:
Before creating, take a few slow, grounding breaths.
Bring to mind your “compassionate self”: wise, kind, strong, caring and calm. Let this self guide your creative session and support you to explore and experiment.
If self-criticism shows up, acknowledge it (“Ah, hello again”), and gently return to your compassionate stance. For example, a useful statement to yourself might be, “It’s hard to start something new. Many people find it difficult. May I be kind to myself.”
These practices can help guide us through the discomfort of creating something new (and feeling worried or critical about how it will turn out). They can also allow us to see our work with fresh eyes and in a more compassionate and balanced way.
The goal is not to produce perfect art, but to stay in relationship with ourselves, especially when vulnerability arises. It can be hard to sit with the discomfort of trying something new. Compassion can help us and allow us to be nurturing towards ourselves, as well as creative and playful.
A Compassionate Culture Starts With Us
As helping professionals, leaders and creative beings, we often carry the invisible load of being “the strong one,” the “inspired one,” or the “wise helper.” But we are also human. And in a world that rewards output over presence, speed over depth, and perfection over authenticity, it’s radical to lead with compassion and creativity.
By tending to our inner worlds with care, we not only model a different way of being but we also cultivate the inner safety needed for real change, connection, and for our creativity to flourish.
Final Thoughts
The compassionate mind isn’t a destination. It’s a daily invitation to breathe more slowly, speak to ourselves more kindly, and honour the courage it takes to care and create in a messy, beautiful world.
So the next time your inner critic pipes up, try this simple response:
“I see you. I know you're trying to protect me. Right now, I’m choosing compassion.”
Your nervous system and your creative self will thank you.
